Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Dumb Customers #4

Customers have belly issues. Something about going to shop at Sears gives people the urge to flaunt their guts. When I say guts I don't mean abs, I mean beer-bellies and I-ate-one-to-many-tortillas- bellies.

These women walk in with stretch denim pants that were bought 2 sizes to small. Fabric can only stretch so far and when one can see the zipper holding on for its dear life...one would think a lightbulb would go off. But no...instead of a lightbulb, the fashion devil pops up and says, "Hey why don't you put on that shirt you've had since you were 5; the tight shirt will look hot with the tight pants." So then not only is there a camel toe talking to you, but a stretch-marked navel smiling at you as well. What's worse is that these women walk around thinking they are hot stuff. It's Nasty!!!

The men are actually nastier due to men being hairy creatures. In the Hardware section these men come in from oil rigs and under cars to purchase tools. Since they are no-longer at work they untuck their shirts. Therefore their apron of fat is peeping out from the bottom of the shirt and doing a jiggly dance with ever step the men take. Another thing is that these men don't have asses. There isn't a lump to hold up their pants, so not only do you get a belly dance but you get to see the crack house in all its hairy glory.

I can't count the number of times these people have almost made me vomit.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Dumb Customers #3

So this family came into Sears tonight. They came in at 8:59...we close at 9. The manager gives the "We are now closed" announcement and they pick out clothes and head for the dressing rooms to try it all on. These people are taking their sweet ass time sifting through items, so the manager gives the announcement a second time. I swear these people were fucking deaf. I am stewing in my cashwrap at this time because I am unbelievably pissed that I can't close my register and go home because this family of assholes decided to shop in a closed store. Then the bastards come up to my cashwrap and say somewhat meakly, "Can we check out?" I soo wanted to tell them no, but my manager was near. I angrily rang them up. I seriously made it known that I was pissed off at them. I gave the typical evil glare, the only words they heard out of my mouth were,"your total is..," and I slammed every fucking thing in sight. I slammed the ink tag puller-offer-thingy, the detail drawer, the register keys, their items, and then oh-so-nicely threw all their shit in a bag. They did not recieve and "Have a nice evening" from me, but a "I hope you vanish" stare.

Their night shopping wasn't over though, they still wanted to buy a refrigerator. Poor T, in appliances had to deal with them next.

What the hell is so hard to understand about the word 'closed?'

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Unnecessarily Open

Sears is falling apart. I mean, K-Mart bought it out...damn. We recently had a meeting that we were forced to attend after closing. It was about all the random benefits that were being cut because Sears can barely afford to turn the lights on. The meetings was utterly pointless because all the benefits being discussed only affected full-time employees. The only full-time employee in the room was the manager giving the meeting. Half of us slept, half of us made smart-ass comments.

I have a proposal for Sears. Instead of cutting employee benefits why don't they cut down the time Sears is actually open. NO one shops at Sears! Yet I now have to wake up and go to work at 7:45 AM on a Saturday because Sears thinks it will make an extra buck by opening early. At a store with actual customers that could work, but at Sears...I don't think so. We also open 2 hours earlier than the mall we are connected to on Sundays. Customers don't start filtering in till about 2:30 PM, because they don't know we open at the ass-crack of dawn.

Honestly, I think if Sears were only open Friday through Sunday it would make the same amount of money, give or take a couple hundred bucks. Sears would save money by not having to keep the lights and air on for the weekdays that no one shops. I was at work today, a Wednesday, from 12:45 to 9. Out of those 8 hours I probably checked out 30 people. I got paid to lean against a counter and daydream various sexual fantasies. That's right, sexual---one's mind tends to wander when stuck in the most extreme state of boredom possible for 8 hours.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Something's in the Dr. Pepper

Employees can easily pass along sickness to other employees at work. If one person gets a cold everyone else will have it too i.e. the Stomach Virus Epidemic of January. Put it this way, Hardware needed to be quarantined. If you worked in that section for one day you at least had respiratory problems the next day. If two days, you were vomiting.

However now, we have a slightly different, yet similar problem. When I first started working at Sears there were 3 pregnant women. Within the last month we have a grand total of 7 pregnant women. I am not even with a guy yet I am a bit nervous about ending up #8. It's like there are sperm floating in the air! If I go to the bathroom are they going to fly in?!

Recently my fear has subsided thanks to pregnant woman #3. She told me quite firmly to stop drinking the Break Room Dr.Pepper.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Annoying Kid

Being that Sears is so unbelievably dull, the littlest shit ticks me off. I guess that could be because I need drama to keep my self sane when in mundane situations?

I am checking this mom out at the register in Men's today and she has her 3 kids with her. All is well and usual until the little girl comes and stands by my Cashwrap door. I am looking at her in the corner of my eye while she is swinging back and forth on the door. Mistake number one! I fucking hate it when people mess with MY Cashwrap door. My territorial female instincts switch on when MY door is touched my a civilian. Then the little girl decides that she is allowed to come inside MY Cashwrap. Mistake number two! She steps in slowly like she is being sneaky or something and then sways with this stupid "ha ha, I'm in your area and you can't do anything about it!" grin on her face. The mother of course is just writing a check and calmly says,"Get out of there sweetie." Naturally, Sweetie doesn't listen. Sweetie stays there and smiles at me. When they walked away I gave her an evil look because that is all I am allowed.

Is it wrong that I wanted to smite her with my swinging door?

Monday, April 04, 2005

Dumb Customers #2

Sears is infamous for having misleading (as the customers put it)signs. Actually our signs aren't misleading, they are specific if you actually READ them. I swear, literacy is a serious problem for Sears shoppers.

Today this woman comes up to my register in the Men's section of Sears. She has a pile of kids clothes and wants me to tell her the prices of each item as I ring them up. I frequently am asked this and find it thoroughly annoying. Well I get to this pink overall set and it rings up 40% off at the grand price of $10.80.

She snaps, "That should be $9!"

I say,"No ma'am, $10.80."--Thinking to myself,"That's like a dollar more, quit your bitchin'"

Then she blabbers on about how there was a sign that said it was $9. So I frustratingly grab the pink overall set and walk with her to the sign knowing that I, as always, am going to prove some stupid bitch wrong. Sure enough the sign clearly states that all Capri Sets are $9. I explain this to her and even show her the said Capri Set and she responds with,"Well I want it for $9, that's what the sign says!"

I go get the MCA (Merchandise Customer Assist), T, and ask her to speak slowly to the woman because I apparently am difficult to understand. The illiterate woman then has the fucking nerve to start arguing with T! I call the manager.

I am ringing up the rest of her stuff while we wait for the manager to come. While doing so, she says,"Just forget it, I don't want it."

I SO wanted to scream at her,"Bitch you better take it after I have had to deal with your crap for 15 minutes!!" When the manager came she acted like she didn't even want to tell him what the problem was because it was no big deal. He explained the sign and she was like, "Yes, I know, the Capri Sets." As if it had finally clicked in her wee little brain.

Why does it take 3 people to explain a sign to someone? WHY??

Dumb Customers

So I am getting change at the Jewelry Cashrwrap. I have been going back and forth attempting to get change for like an hour by now because, by god I need some fucking nickles! They finally have some so I write out a change slip and go get some. The Shoe Sales lady is ahead of me to get change. I wait.

Here's the issue: I put up a sign at my register that states,"This Register is closed," while I'm gone. This is written in English and Spanish. While waiting to get my nickles I see a pack of 8 Mexicans walk up to my register with a shitload of Sears crap and just stand there. I'm like,"Fuck'em, I need nickles. They can go somewhere else." But they don't. They fucking wait there like a cashier is magically going to appear before their eyes. They all look like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off because they just keep bobbing around as if movement will conjur up assistance. I mean, there is a sign!! Can they not fucking read?! Even if they couldn't, you would think that after TEN minutes you would move elsewhere!

The sad thing is, this happens all the time. I swear if a manager or someone didn't come by and direct them to a different Cashwrap, they would stand there all fucking day. I don't get it.